Today, as soon as I abandoned my body, I found myself on the bridge that leads upwards and I left Shambala behind. I knew then that I was going to work on ascension.
I crossed the clouds and found Raphaela waiting for me. She made me aware of my tunic and we started walking. Raphaela is a being full of peace who moves very slowly and is full of love and goodness...
We reached a peak of clouds and Raphaela told me to observe the country below us. I saw a number of beings standing still, unmoving. They were all a grey colour and I sensed that there was great sadness in them…
It was as if something horrible had happened and they had become paralysed with fright, frozen through eons of time… They made me feel a terrible anguish, I turned to Raphaela and I asked her what had happened to those beings and who they were...
She replied that they were all those who I had injured, mistreated, humiliated, lied to, killed, tortured and who knows what other terrible things that I had done in other lives and in this one. I looked at them in stupefaction, to see that I had caused so much harm to so many people. I felt dizzy and fell to my knees. I started to shout:
Forgive me, all of you. With my heart in my hands I ask you all to forgive me!… In moments of weakness, I made mistakes and I betrayed my soul and life, which is sacred… But I repent of the pain that I have caused and I ask you to forgive me... In the name of God and of my soul, forgive me my sins, please!...Please!...
I looked down from the clouds on all the grey beings, and they showed no sign of having heard me. My voice seemed false even to me. They didn’t move, they didn’t leave, they didn’t stay, they just stood there without forgiving me…and I said to Raphaela - They will never forgive me... What should I do? All at once I felt that I should go down, that I had to be with them; and I went... I started to pass among them and I begged with them one by one, but they all ignored me, some made eye contact, but they only looked at me with hate and contempt; they didn’t forgive me.
Then I sat on the ground and I said to myself:
- Well, I’m not moving from here until I sort this situation out.
But there was no way. I felt uncomfortable among these shades and I could see no solution to the conflict. I thought that if I truly deserved forgiveness, and if my repentance was authentic…
Then I heard Raphaela calling me and I went to her. When I arrived, she told me that the beings I could see were only the parts affected by me, that their complete selves were elsewhere, in other lives and carrying out other functions, but that the part that was in conflict with me was what was crystallised in that cloud.
I turned to look at them once more, and to my surprise they started to disintegrate one by one into a grey dust which scattered over all the clouds, turning them to the colour of ash.
They disappeared in that fashion until there was only one left facing me. The ground started to absorb the dirt and the clouds became white once more.
Raphaela told me that I should make contact with that being, and I did so.
I walked slowly, I was very afraid and anxious. As I got closer, I began to recognize features of his face. Then I realized that it was me, he was the dark me. I was paralyzed by the realization, and I stared at him. His eyes were full of pain and hate towards everything… we looked at each other in silence, feeling our ancestral connections.
Little by little we got closer to each other and we slowly embraced. I felt how our bodies fused together as we turned round and round. We started crying and we asked each other for forgiveness, until we became a single being.
You are me, I am you
We are the same
And we should be united
In the good and in the bad
Never again will I leave you alone
And I turned to him
And he turned to me
And we were one
And the one raised his consciousness.
I went back to Raphaela who was waiting with her infinite patience and she asked me how I felt, and I answered that I felt sad and confused…she remarked that this was normal and that it would pass… ...She accompanied me slowly to the bridge and I went back home.
I don’t know if this experience has served for those entities that I have hurt to forgive me… I hope so.
I find it hard to understand why we do each other so much harm, why humanity attacks itself with so much strength…
I know that the Earth is a school for souls and that we have come here to learn and to evolve. But when one is faced with ones own dark side, and the pain that one has caused just by existing, everything becomes a little difficult and complicated.
I am only clearly conscious of wishing to redeem my wrongs and find forgiveness.
That is why I once more sincerely beg forgiveness from all those beings that, in my ignorance I have caused pain and distress…
And I ask myself for forgiveness, embracing my own inner darkness in my silence.
All I can do is look at the heavens and wait for the miracle to happen and for my sins to dissolve into the infinite…